Researchers have released a new study on the dangers of not eating fish. Mothers are now faced with a perilous choice when shopping while pregnant - to eat or not to eat fish. If a mother eats too much fish, she risks giving birth to a gregarious ping pong champion that needs a kidney transplant. If a mother does not eat fish, her child could end up a World of Warcraft player that does not possess the motor skills to maintain bladder control, but due to healthy kidneys is able to drink large quantities of alcohol. In either case, the outcome for mothers is grim. How to choose between two equally unpleasant outcomes is something most mothers would abhor. My solution is to drown them. If that is not an option, I highly recommend avoiding reading these worthless studies.